The Not-So-Secret Diary of a Bad Luck Girl

No, not really. I’m just grouchy that I have to go to class, though apparently some people will be showing up in costume.

Finally got in my library science applications. At first I was set on the cheaper school, but after speaking with a few people, have decided maybe it’s not worth the hour commute. That’ll suck come February when it’s all cold and dark.

My company will probably pay most of my tuition so why not go with the more expensive, more conveniently located other school. Plus I’m pretty sure now I want to go into corporate librarianship (working in a museum just pays too little), and the expensive school has a program specifically for that.

Last night MB and I saw We Own the Night. It was just okay. The acting was very good, but there were plot holes. Like, hey Joaquin Phoenix – AND HERE COMES A SPOILER BUT NOT REALLY CUZ IT WAS KINDA FREAKING OBVIOUS – are you really surprised your Russian-mob-like boss would take his nephew’s side over yours?

This weekend ES is coming to visit. Yay! Saturday night is YP’s stand up show, and Sunday of course is the marathon.

So sleepy.

Have been so unmotivated, blogging-wise, lately.

Had a good weekend. Friday night I went out to visit PL. It’s been awhile since I’ve been in her neck of the woods, and I got a bit melancholy on the train ride up. I always get melancholy at this time of year, though in a good, cozy way, not depressive.

Plus the weather was horrible. It rained and rained and rained. A perfect night to stay in and eat the good pasta PL and her hubby cooked up. Then it was a suburb night on the town with a visit to Target (needed a toothbrush) and Cosi. That was actually my very first visit to Target. It’s gigantour.

By the way, PL’s dogs are cute. A little hyper but definitely cute. I liked how Rocky, the Siberian husky, stuck his head under my chair and just lay there, hanging out. Makes me want to get a dog, but my apartment’s way too tiny and I’m way too lazy.

The next day was rainy as well. I was able to work on my writing in the morning, and then we had yummy veggie tacos for lunch (better than wheat gluten balls at Zen Palate, that’s for sure).

Saturday I had a Thai dinner with YP before we saw Romance and Cigarettes, which was just okay. It was mostly weird and random. YP and I agreed the last third made the most sense, and that the song, Little Water Song, sung by Ute Lemper and penned by Nick Cave was lovely.

Sunday I wrote a lot, and went for a run in the Park. Museum Boy was in Europe all last week, but he’s back tonight. Yay!

Writing class was good last night.

There were just four of us and the teacher since a couple of people couldn’t make it, but it was still worth it. We spent some time talking about the writing process, and two of my classmates talked about how hard it was to write for a living, and then go home and try to write for themselves.

I was actually kind of glad to hear of that. As you know, I’ve been back and forth, wondering if I should go to j-school or pursue freelance writing more diligently. My job is boring as hell, but that leaves me lots of energy to write. For instance yesterday I spend the bulk of the afternoon working on the piece I workshopped last night.

And my marketing job probably pays better than something artsier or non-profit. But I still definitely don’t want to stay in it for too much longer.

I’m excited about my book. I’m finishing up the China/cousin part, and will begin to intersperse through the already written marriage/divorce part. Maybe the cousin parts will sort of be the thread that the rest is tied to. She and I have had such parallel lives, it almost seems like it would have to be thread. But I won’t know for sure till I actually start revising.

The teacher teased me for being so adamant about at first not wanting to mix the marriage/divorce and China/cousin parts. “When I suggested it,” she told everyone, “she was like, ‘Um, no.’” I really like her. We’re the same age, and she tells it like it is but at the same time is sensitive about her critiques (unlike my professor in grad school who was a complete asshole). Plus she had a good sense of humor.

Next week people may or may not show up because it’s Halloween. I can’t remember the last time I actually did anything.

~ ~ ~

On two other notes, 1) it’s freezing today! Yay! But I wish I had worn a scarf. 2) Something’s wrong with the lock on the first outside door of my apartment building. My key doesn’t fit it in it, though it fit in the day before, and it fits in the second outside door, and the door to the basement.

Last night I was panicking as I tried to get in. Finally, I buzzed a neighbor on my floor and they were kind enough to buzz me in.

I think it’s a lock rather a key problem since the door was propped open this morning. Hopefully it will be fixed soon.

Wyn’s post reminded that National Novel Writing Month is right around the corner.

I was a “winner” last year and the year before, churning out of 50,000 words in 30 days. Too bad it was 50,000 words of crap.

The thing about banging out about 1700 words a day, at least for me, is that you sacrifice quality for speed. One could argue that speediness forces you to write and not overthink. But a huge part of writing is just sitting there thinking, as well as rewriting the same few pages or chapters again and again.

I suppose NaNoWriMo is good for people who have trouble getting started or finishing. Once in a while I’ll feel stuck, but usually I’m able to finish stuff.

Getting in 50K words in 30 days isn’t writing for me, it’s typing.

There’s something to be said for slowing down, and putting pen to paper. For feeling the pen in your hand, your hand moving, seeing your writing. My work is always more robust when I handwrite it, whether or not that robustness is warranted. While I’m typing is when I edit and cut, and sometimes add.

Skipping the handwritten phase and going straight to typing makes my work thin and rushed. It’s actually sort of detrimental.

So that’s a long way of saying I won’t be doing NaNoWriMo this year. Besides I’m taking a writing class and am working hard on my memoir.

The first of November is creeping up and I’m still working on my MLS applications. Yikes!

Outstanding:

One set of recommendations (out of three)
One set of transcripts (out of two)
My personal statement

I should get the last set of recs today, and the transcripts today or Monday. If I don’t get them on Monday, I’m following up with the school. My undergrad ones came lickety split. And I’ll work on the personal statement this weekend.

I don’t think I’ve written that I’m taking another memoir class this semester. Better get one in before school starts.

It’s a very different format than my other classes. Usually two or three people workshop per class, having emailed their pieces to everyone beforehand. There’s in-class writing, as well as discussion about books.

In this one, there’s no emailing beforehand. Everyone – all five of us – reads 8 to 10 pages aloud, and then people critique. If you have more pages, people can take your stuff home and give back to you the following week with comments, if they have time. The teacher always takes home and returns with detailed comments the following class.

At first I was wary, but it’s actually been okay. Gives us more time to work on our own stuff. The only problem is that the stuff I’m working on is already pretty polished; it’s more the overall structure of the whole book I’m concerned about, which can’t really be addressed within 10 pages.

Then again, I can work on the structure part on my own, and maybe speak with the teacher off-line, and get my 10-page sections extra polished. Polished doesn’t mean perfect. People always find things that don’t make sense, which is extremely helpful. Or you can say, “Well in an earlier draft, I had this. . .” and people might respond, “Oh you should put that back,” or “Cut this other section.”

I like feedback like that. No pussyfooting. Just, “Cut it.” Awesome.

At first I thought the book would be divided in three parts. Part 1 my marriage, divorce, etc., part 2 China, and part 3 unknown. When I first told the teacher about it, she immediately thought I should intersperse parts 1 and 2 into one book. At first I resisted, but now I think she’s right.

I’m actually excited about the idea. I want to finish the China portion as quickly as possible, then print everything out and look at how I can move the parts around to make a whole, which will show me overlap and gaps.

I’m still hanging out with Museum Boy, and so far so good.

We saw a lot of each other over the weekend, and I can’t remember what we did which day. Lots of good meals out, two movies (Eastern Promises and Murder Party), some shopping, some just hanging out.

I keep feeling like this is like college when you’d meet someone and like them and want to be with them and that was that, no baggage, no games.

What’s different about him, at least thus far, is that there doesn’t seem to be a cloud of anxiety or sadness around him. It sounds corny but he seems full of light, like he has this joy for life and he knows who he is and is very comfortable with himself and doesn’t care what anyone else thinks.

I was feeling sort of insecure by the end of last week, as I’m wont to do when I start liking someone, but then we had a very good talk over the weekend, and I feel better.

I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone like him before, though it’s funny because he and I are a lot alike in terms of interests and attitude about people.

He seems unafraid.

Of course I still have anxiety. People sometimes change on a dime – then again, let’s face it, there are clues beforehand. There are signs. I guess the trick is balancing being aware and listening to my gut, and being paranoid and overanalyzing.