The Not-So-Secret Diary of a Bad Luck Girl

MB and I had a nice time at my parents’ this weekend. Having him there really makes a difference – being there on my own is sort of tortuous, just me and my folks and their weird questions.

We didn’t leave till the afternoon of Christmas Day. I had to drag MB out of bed at 12 so we could leave by 1 or 2. We ended up catching a 3:15 train, which got us in around 4:30. There weren’t too many people, but more than we expected.

Then it was the usual: lots of eating. I tried not to pig out as much this time. Over Thanksgiving I was eating pie every few hours. Also, MB set up the Mac Mini my brother and I got for our parents. They’ve been thinking about getting a new computer, and the PC is horrendous for their favorite activity, downloading Korean soap opera videos and burning them to disc. With the Mac Mini, they can more do those things more easily, as well as connect directly to the TV. They needed a couple of extra parts so we had to wait till the next day to go get them.

That night we had Mongolian hotpot for Christmas dinner, like we did on Thanksgiving. MB has grown to be a fan of it, especially the spicy dipping sauces and very thinly sliced beef.

The next day we hit the mall to get the cable to connect the Mac Mini to the TV as well as a wireless router. Needless to say, it was a madhouse, wall to wall stereotypical suburbanites with their terrible frosted hair, giant sports jerseys, and awful Ugg boots. But at least we got what we needed for my parents. Afterwards MB and I ducked into the peace and quiet of Border’s, which surprisingly was pretty empty.

We had planned on leaving that night, but it took a while to get back from the mall, and then for MB to finish setting up the computer. So we decided to leave on Saturday, which pleased my parents greatly.

MB set up everything pretty fast. Before we knew it, my parents’ TV had been transformed into a giant computer monitor, and my mother could watch her stories directly from the Internet. My brother did a great job setting up the display for them, with a giant cursor/arrow and their “homepage” which sits on his website, and shows the three sites they go to for their shows. The wireless mouse is pretty neat. It acts like a remote, but takes some getting used to. I kept wanting to move it like a regular mouse with big movements, but it’s actually more like a laser pointer.

Saturday we just hung around and relaxed. We both got up fairly late, 10 for me, 11 for MB, had some lunch and just read our books till our 3 o’clock train. Last week I finally finished that Bach book MB had been raving about. I understand why he likes it – he’s studying music and like Bach is very scientific and mathematical – but I thought it was boring as hell. There was interesting information in it, but it wasn’t told like a story. It was like, here’s all this information.

Now I’m reading The Secret History by Donna Tartt and it is SO GOOD. It’s really well-written with interesting characters, and plus there’s mystery and suspense. Inspired by that I ordered a couple of other “literary mysteries” from Amazon with the gift card my brother got me - In the Woods and and The Likeness by Tana French, and The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson.

The 3 PM train was extremely crowded. We were able to get two seats together, but there were two noisy kids behind us, and then people standing in the aisle towards the end. What we didn’t know was that there was a hockey game at Madison Square Garden that day. Lots of tourists are awful, but lots of tourists in Devils/Rangers jerseys are even worse. That night we were so worn out from the crowds, we just stayed in aside from dinner at our favorite Italian place.

Today I’ve got to do some laundry, though it’s so mild out, all I want to do is walk around.

So MB and I were supposed to hear Les Paul play at the Iridium on Monday. We had tickets for the 10 o’clock show and got to the place around 9:30. There was a line down the block, but we weren’t worried since that was how it was at the Blue Note for Bela Fleck, and the line seemed to be moving quickly.

Then not so quickly. It kept stopping and moving a little, till finally we were out there almost an hour. It was cold, and then the wind would blow, and we could feel ourselves die inside a little. When we finally got to the door, we were told that the club had oversold, and there was no room for anyone, even those with us with tickets.

The door guy was apologetic, but the guy inside the club was a jerk. He hollered at this one woman, “I didn’t sell the tickets so don’t yell at *me*!” and slammed the door in her face. Nice way to treat your customers.

We were disappointed, but we only had to come up from downtown. The guy behind us had driven in from Philadelphia.

Hope we get our money back.

~ ~ ~

In other news, I had my annual physical yesterday. Really I wanted a new Allegra prescription and that was the way to get it. But then my doctor gave me only a two month supply! GRRR!!! Luckily I only need to take the allergy medicine every other day so I can stretch it out a bit.

I had to fast since she was doing a cholesterol test. You’d think with a 10 AM appointment, it wouldn’t be so bad, but by the time she saw me – about half an hour late – I was DYING. I’m one of those people who needs to ingest coffee and a little breakfast the minute I roll out of bed. I also need to eat every 3 to 4 hours or else I get cranky.

After my exam, I rushed out and inhaled a tuna bagel and cup of coffee (mmm, tuna and coffee perfect together), and I felt amazingly better afterwards.

Today seems to be a bit warmer but it’s rainy. Hopefully tomorrow won’t be bad when we got out to New Jersey.

Some with lots and lots of snow.

MB and I hibernated practically all weekend. Friday and Saturday nights we thought about going to see a midnight showing of Gremlins at IFC, but the cold, yucky weather kept us in.

I did get out Saturday morning when YP and I had our monthly photo expedition. The theme was Photographing Each Other, to my consternation. I hate having my picture taken, especially when I’m makeup-less. My freckles tend to look out of control. But he just sent me some, and they’re very nice. I do still wish I had put on some cover up.

We decided to take the pictures in Harlem since we never seem to venture above 14th Street. The sidewalks were a mess and like an idiot, I wore sneakers. I have two pairs of winter boots, but for some reason they were at the office. Thinking I had another pair at the apartment, I neglected to bring any home. Wah! By the time we finished our shoot, my right pinky toe was completely numb. On my way home, I stopped at my office and got boots, yay! Makes such a difference.

That afternoon MB had a short gig tutoring a friend in programming so I chilled at home – or rather warmed up – till he got back. Never has a bowl of instant Korean noodles tasted so good.

That night we tried this new Latin place around the corner, A Casa Fox. The food was good but expensive! Not super hungry, I had a bowl of delicious tomato soup for $5, not bad. But the asparagus “salad” I got was just four pieces of asparagus with some cheese shavings. $8! Total rip off.

MB got this chicken rice bowl, which was tasty but way overpriced at $25. It should have been $12-$15. The selection of mini empanadas was more worth the $8, and were really good, and the empanadas themselves are $5 each. If we go again, we should probably just get a mess of those.

Sunday I was able to get a bunch of writing done. I’m almost done with this, hopefully last, round of revisions. I sent a query to my teacher’s agent a couple of months ago, and have heard nothing. Usually you get some sort of response in 6 to 8 weeks. I may check with my teacher if I should be sending to the guy’s personal email. She just sold her first novel – after a slew of nonfiction books – so I know they are both busy with that.

This winter break I also need to find more agents and send more queries, as well as find some contests for book-length memoirs. If none of that pans out, I think I will start posting sections of my book online. I do wish I could get it published, but I also want to be done with it. Putting a “final” version online will help me feel like the book is finished and then I can move on to the next thing.

On Sunday MB needed to work on this other consulting gig (ie, cleaning up some imbecile’s really bad code). Then he needed some stuff from the Apple store so we hoofed it over there. Luckily the weather was somewhat better. It was even a little sunny! that is till darkness descended at 5 o’clock. At least now the days will start to get longer again.

It was pretty icy out but not as crowded as I expected. Of course the Apple store was a madhouse. I swear people turn stupid when they get near the door – stopping completely, not looking where they’re walking, blocking the way.

Tonight we’re going to hear Les Paul play at the Iridium. It’s sort of expensive – $50 plus a $25 food/drink minimum – but the guy is like, what, 90? Better go hear him before he kicks it.

Supposedly there’ll be a big snowstorm today. It’s already started to come down a little. Although I feel like something’s wrong if it doesn’t snow during winter, I still don’t like it. It’s cold and miserable and slippery. Deceptive slush lakes that look like frozen over puddles form at the edge of curbs, and then I step in them at least once.

Today is a nothing day here at work. It’s the holiday “open house,” which means people bring in their kids to have their pictures taken with Santa, and the CEO goes to the different buildings and lets people shake his hand. In the almost-10 years I’ve been here, I’ve never done it.

I sort of miss our big extravaganza holiday parties. It would be at a nearby hotel and would last all day with free eats and drinks. You could go with people you actually liked and not see anyone else you knew the whole time. But the parties were only fun if you had a pal to go with, like when YP worked here and my friend Marilyn who was fired for being a bitter bitch, which she really was. But she was still fun.

Last night MB and I went to hear Bela Fleck and the Flecktones. Fleck plays “jazz banjo” and is backed by an incredible bass player and “Futureman,” who plays drums and a “Drumitar,” which MB and I guessed was actually a keytar with a drum machine stuck to it with lots of electric tape. They were really good.

I’m serious! And popular too since the place was packed to the gills. We were squashed at one end of a table. Luckily the people next to us, this 50ish couple, were pretty nice, but this other couple, 20ish, on our other side, were annoying. They were on a higher part of the floor and so were essentially right above us, and kept talking at top volume throughout the performance. I was farther away so I just vaguely heard them, but it got so bad MB had to ask them to be quiet. Then he said the guy was all douchebaggy and just made a “Whatever!” face and didn’t apologize.
I guessed he was a douchebag even before that. He looked a banker type and was good-looking, but in an overly groomed way, and the girl said something like, “My friend lives in some bumblefuck town in Louisiana,” and I guess he was from Louisiana? cuz suddenly he was like, “So are you saying I’m from some bumblefuck town? Are you? Are you?” The girl was like, “Well, anyway, she goes to Tulane.”

~ ~ ~

On another note, I believe I’ve written about jealousy before and how I’m trying to get over it, and although my feelings don’t make sense and have no basis in reality, MB has been really nice about reassuring me.

Usually I don’t like Cary Tennis’ advice. He meanders and says weird things. But I really like what he has to say to this woman. She thinks her husband prefers his woman friend to her, and with good reason: he says why can’t you be more like X sometimes, and the woman often acts cold to her. Cary responds (my emphasis):

Your husband has not shown much tact or understanding. . . .Your feelings are hurt. That’s not a right thing or a wrong thing; it’s not like you should be smarter so your feelings wouldn’t be hurt. . . .They get hurt no matter how smart you are. So husbands should respond to that. Maybe he thinks if he responds to that by reassuring you or being kinder to you or showing you that you are the most important person in his life that he is vindicating your hurt feelings. Well, so what? . . . .In any relationship, feelings are going to get hurt. . . .It’s silly to stand back and be cold and accusing when we could just as easily be warm and loving. We sometimes feel if we are warm and loving that we are giving in somehow. So I would say to the husband, give in already. Your wife is going to have certain feelings that don’t make sense to you. That doesn’t mean her feelings aren’t important. She’s hurt by your very friendly feelings toward this woman. It makes her feel insecure. So reassure her. Let her know that she is the most important person in your life.

I love Cary! Well, for now I do, at least regarding this particular question.

The snow is coming down down down. Let’s see if it sticks.

I mean, I usually feel pretty good, but it *is* Monday, which normally calls for the blahs.

Could be because my new boss has started, and I finally have some real work to do. Being bored really does take a toll on morale, even for lazy someones like me. Also, I’m all done with school assignments, and I have just one more class, this Thursday, which will be discussing a bunch of readings. Finally, I’ve had a good couple of conversations with my mom recently.

She seems to be holding back her worries, namely her vision of MB’s and my “future” – ie, getting married and buying properpty, contrary to *our* vision of not getting married (but still having kids, scandalous!) and traveling the world – and is enjoying the idea of my being happy for a change, or again her vision of my being happy which equals being with someone who treats me well. I was perfectly fine on my own, but my parents will never believe that.

My mother and I are so alike with our worrying. Sometimes now I wake up and think, Shouldn’t I be worrying about something? Before my worries mostly had to do with my job. How awful it was! The demanding, incomprehensible boss with career expectations for me that I didn’t want! The forced socializing with sales people! The high-pressure presentations! I’d wake up at 3 in the morning and apply online to random, low-paying jobs, that’s how bad it was. I thought about quitting and being jobless. I thought I’d like to do something completely non-stress, like being a crossing guard.

This weekend I had the chance to work on my manuscript. Rereading it is always like reliving the past, though not in a harmful way. They’re far enough away that I have some distance, and reliving them sometimes reveals more memories, more layers to add. I remember visiting my cousin in Portland shortly after she came from China, and how she and her husband were so lovey dovey, to the point I wanted to shout, “Get a room!” They didn’t make out in public, but they’d do things like blow each other kisses, write “I owe you one kiss”on a post-it and put it up, tell each other that they loved each other in front of everyone.

Yeah, actually, it was kind of gross.

But at the time, it also made me feel lonely. I was married and I knew my husband loved me, but we were never like that. We never got so carried away we forgot about the rest of the world. He was always very concerned about what others thought. But at the time, I didn’t let myself think that it made me lonely, watching my cousin and her husband. I just made snide remarks.

I’m also glad I never had a kid with my ex. One, I’d still be connected to him, and two, there was so much pressure from his family. “I want my grandsons to go to Eton,” my ex-FIL said one time. There are so many things wrong with that statement, I don’t even know where to begin.

~ ~ ~

Now the boring update! Friday night was lazy for me. MB suggested going to a late movie, but I was so tired, we just watched a bunch of stuff on Hulu.com, and I went to sleep before midnight.

Saturday I worked on my writing a little before we headed out to run some errands. It was freezing that day, and really hard to motivate myself to get outside. But I did, and that night we ate at this soba noodle place for the first time, Soba Koh, on East 5th Street. It was so good and perfect for that wintry night. We both had the early bird special for $19: a daikon salad, egg custard with crab (and other weird things), and hot or cold soba with a variety of tempura. We both got hot.

It didn’t look like a lot of food but it was pretty filling. The tempura was really good. I’m used to it with a ton of batter, but these were perfect. Also included is ice cream, vanilla or green tea.

Later we saw a midnight showing of Poltergeist at IFC. It was fun, not scary, since I’ve seen the movie so many times. As a kid it scared the shit out of me, especially that clown doll. Also, Jo Beth Williams and Craig T. Nelson are really good in it! If they weren’t so good, the movie would have been over the top and cheesy.

Sunday I was able to get more writing done, despite getting up at 11. We didn’t do much except grab a late lunch at 3. We went to one of our usual places, Zucco: Le French Diner, where I had for the first time, something du dimanche. Ack, I can’t remember the name! Anyway, as the name implies it’s served only on Sundays: a potato cake filled with goat cheese and topped with a poached egg, served with ratatouille and lamb sausage.

I totally just made myself hungry.

Some of my other favorite dishes are the pain perdu, or French toast; the pate sandwich, which is served with cornichon, these delicious little pickles; and the risotto des legumes. The coffee is really good too.

I need to eat lunch soon.

Information Technologies class, that is.

Last night we gave our site visit presentations, which was immensely boring. By the time class ended, our group still hadn’t gone. Most of us were relieved, thinking we’d go next week, but then the professor said, “Who wants to stay late and finish the presentations and not have class next week?” Everyone but us raised their hands.

In the end though it was good to get it overwith. I was the very last one, and so everyone appreciated my going quickly.

It’s over, it’s over! WOOHOO!!!

I think I still have my other class next week, but like I’ve said before, that is not stressful.

Last week I had a mild panic attack. While waiting for the subway, I ran into one of my former classmates. We talked about our schedules for next semester, and she mentioned an internship.

“Is that required?” I asked. I didn’t think it was but wasn’t sure.

“Yes,” she said. “To graduate, yes it’s required.”

This threw me for a loop. I had already planned my next two semesters, which would have me done by next summer. How could I fit in an internship?

On the train ride home, I kept muttering, “It can’t be required, I don’t remember seeing it with the requirements,” while MB made some kind suggestions about getting an internship at my company, although our only “library” is online.

To be sure, I emailed the adminsitrative office, and yay! an internship is only required for a museum certificate. Whew! Of course an internship would probably be better since I have no job experience. But it’s also 150 hours over a few weeks, and working full time, it’s just not feasible.

I also finally figured out how to subscribe to my department’s listserv. I had tried it a couple of times, to no avail, but it turns out I kept putting the wrong command. Dehr.

I’ve really missed out on a lot not being on the listserv, mainly scholarships. You’d think they’d make this kind of information more readily available. Last week in class someone congratulated someone else on a huge scholarship she got, and I felt so out of the loop that I 1) didn’t know she had gotten it, and 2) hadn’t known about the scholarship so that I could have applied for it! I actually have no idea what or who the scholarship was for; I’m just competitive that way.

~ ~ ~

This weekend, aside from doing the site visit for my other class and writing the paper, MB and I saw Synecdoche, New York. I can’t decide if it was good or not. It was definitely interesting and I was never bored, but I don’t know if that was because the whole time I was trying to figure out what was going on. Overall I think it was too self-indulgent.

We also braved the cold and managed to run some errands, like getting a curtain to put between the kitchen and rest of the apartment (ie, bedroom/living room/study, all in one!). Not that it bothers me, but MB is often up late praciticing or computering. The curtain doesn’t block all the light, but it does somehow improve the apartment to have that subtle separation. Also got a little space heater since our heating is erratic. The cold doesn’t bother me, but MB is freezing most of the time.

This weekend I won’t really have any homework, just a few articles to read for next Thursday. What will I do with myself, and over the next four weeks??? It’ll be the longest break I’ve had from school in a whole year.

Mainly I need to finish up my manuscript, that’s for sure. I’ve been “finishing” it for a good year now. Also, I need to follow up with the two agents I wrote to, namely my teacher’s, and write to a bunch more.

MB will still be on break so I hope we spend some weekends just walking around, like we did last winter, if the weather isn’t too bad.

Not the semester, not yet, but our website presentation is over and done with.

It went fine overall. The first group got TORN APART. They didn’t follow a lot of his nit-picky instructions, and it was very hard to read (red type on black background). We ended up going last, and so knew the corrections we had to make and addressed them. Another group’s site looked beautiful, but at least ours was clear and easy to read.

One particularly ridiculous rule: we have these site visit presentations, and two groups, including ours, uploaded them as PDFs, which look JUST LIKE PowerPoint presentations. ALSO, the professor always does his presentations as PDFs. But for some reason he wants them as PowerPoints! His reasoning? So we can make corrections to it. But if we’ve uploaded them to the site, then they’re done, right? Everyone was very put out. “That’s just ridiculous!” one woman said. I think we were all just fed up with his weird rules that don’t make the websites any better.

Anyway, so our group has just a few corrections to make before we hand in the final version on Tuesday. Of course the old bat who can barely turn on a computer had an incredibly difficult time understanding what needed to be done. I didn’t even try to keep my patience and was practically yelling at her. I feel bad, but I don’t know how much more simply I can explain things. I say it in the simplest terms, I base it on stuff I would presume she knows (via the work she’s done on her website), I even wrote it out on the board. But she has total brain freeze every time. Luckily I don’t have to deal with her for much longer.

Wow, I’m already starving. Time for lunch.