100 ATRO: #95 Line Directors

It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these and I’m due for a post anyway.

If you didn’t already know, ATRO stands for Awesome Things Rip-Off because I totally ripped off the idea from this guy.

Ladies, you’ve been there.  Intermission at a Broadway show or concert, and the line for the women’s restroom snakes out of the restroom, down the hall, around the corner, and up the stairs you just came down. Not only that, people aren’t pay attention.  They’re talking to their friend, or on their cell phone, or checking their email, or are just dumb ass space cadets, unlike you and a few others keeping an eagle’s eye out for the next available stall because a) you really have to go, b) intermission’s almost over, and c) who wants to stay in the bathroom any longer than they have to?

Thank God for the line directors.

These ancient yet spry ladies keep us, well, in line.  “Next!” they call, pointing us like dumb cows to the next available stall.  “Next!” they bark to the ninny addicted to her iPhone.  Only better would be if they banged on the stalls of women taking too long.  “What are you doing in there, knitting a sweater? Pee and go!”

But public restrooms aren’t the only place we can enjoy the line directors.

Concession stands. We were at a concert recently where there was one long-ass line for the many workers of the concession stand.  “Oy,” I murmured. “People won’t pay attention and this will take twice as long.”

Line director to the rescue!

Grocery stores. We all remember the dude in the apron pointing us to the next available ringer-upper before Whole Foods went automated.

Airports. Why there aren’t always line directors in airports is beyond me.  They can answer your questions, make sure you’re in the right line, as well as direct the gaggle of already-drunk housewives going to Vegas to the next available agent is available.

Now all we need are our own pushers to get people on the bus properly.

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