My queendom for some jeans

For months now, I’ve been on a quest for a pair of jeans that fit.

Back when I was skinny, almost any jeans would do. My favorites were from a store that shall go nameless due to the enormous amount of spam I get. Let’s just say, “Fall into the. . .” Get it? Good. Anyway, I had a couple of different sizes, a smaller one for my thin days and a bigger one for my regular days. For several years, the smaller size fit, then not, so the bigger size did fine for a very long time.

How long? Seven years. Is that even long for jean-years? Well, it was long enough for the seat and knees to get pretty thin, but I figured as long as there were no holes, I could keep wearing them.

Then three things happened within just a couple of weeks: 1) I somehow got a hole in the butt, 2) I fell in my giant rain boots and ripped a small hole in the knee, and 3) MB thought it would be hilarious to put his finger in the butt hole (OF MY JEANS, dirty thinkers) and tug. The next thing we knew –


That was it, my security blanket destroyed.

“I didn’t know it would rip so easily!” MB claimed.

“I have no jeans to wear now!” I cried. This wasn’t entirely true. I did have two other pairs, one that’s slightly too big, and another that’s slightly too small. The ripped jeans were the ones that were just right.

Or at least I thought so. True, they were not very flattering. While the legs were fine, the waist, hips, and butt were a little big, and made me look bigger. But they were super comfortable, so who cared?

I returned to the store where I got the jeans, but of course they don’t make them anymore. I tried a million pairs, in various sizes and styles. Low waist, modern boot, straight leg, blah blah. The only ones I didn’t try were the skinny jeans (which of course dominate every store now) because the one time I did, I couldn’t even get one leg in, let alone two. My size varied so much from pants to pants: good in the legs, too big in the waist; good in the waist, too tight in the legs; too long, even in petite.

At home stuffed in a drawer were a pair I bought when I first moved to SF. They fit and felt comfortable – stretchy material helps – but when I got the home, I didn’t like how they looked. Too hippy. I kept meaning to return them, but more than a year later, I still hadn’t.

After my recent shopping debacle, I decided to try them again. And I was surprised to see they actually looked better. I’ve lost a wee bit of weight trying to lower my cholesterol, so my hips are less bulbous. And they were even more comfy than I remembered.

On a day I worked from home, I decided to test them out. I wore them in public and no one pointed and gagged. Then I wore them to work. Even sitting they fit well (though after lunch they did jam into my belly a little), and they were easy to tuck into my rain boots.

Yesterday, taking advantage of the nice weather, MB and I hit another jeans store. This was extra challenging because the sizes were European. Am I 27, 28, 29? Turns out, at least in some jeans, I’m a 28 X 30, which depending on who you ask is a 6 or an 8. But whatevs. After trying on a million pants, I found some that actually fit!

“After all those jeans,” MB said, “you found one.”

“Hey,” I said. “That’s a good day.”

Now that I have jeans that look good, I feel more incentive to keep them that way. In other words, to lose just a few more pounds. I won’t go crazy with dieting, but will try to keep up healthy eating with fewer splurges and more exercise. While I’ve been very good about yoga, lately I’ve been awful about getting in enough cardio.

By the way, MB ripped a pair of his own jeans too. Like mine, it started with a tiny hole in the butt area, and then he tore it open on purpose. However, his search should be far easier than mine was.


  1. I feel you, gurl. I think I have about a dozen pairs of jeans, but really only wear three–a slim-fitting indigo that I wear w/ fitted shirts; a relaxed-fitting indigo that I wear w/ sweaters & less fitted shirts and a black pair that looks a little more “street.” I’ve invented situations in which I may wear the others, one day, in my mind, but find that my tuxedo gets more wear than they do.

  2. Most of my really good-fitting pairs com from that place that you didn’t quite mention. They’ve really added quite the assortment of styles to their line, too.