To start dating again that is. My guess would be no though I feel tempted.
If I start again, I’m not sure I want to go back on the site that H. and I “met” on. I get sick to my stomach imagining that he’s already activated his ad again, though I’d be doing the same thing.
I feel most vulnerable when I get stressed about something. For instance, last night it was about work. Stupid stupid work. Who cares? It’s not worth this stress. But still I couldn’t sleep, thinking about that and intensely missing H., or maybe just missing having someone in my life, right there, who I can talk to. I thought, Maybe it’s not H. but an old, deep wound, ruptured again. How literary.
I narrarate my life to survive, as one of my classmates would say.
Last night I had a dream about this consultant here whom I’ve had a small crush on, off and on, for the past several months. We had funny conversation last week; another time on a conference call, after we were done talking about business, he seemed to want to talk more, and like an idiot, I was like, “Well, okay, bye!”
I have been thinking about Consultant Guy a little, but I didn’t expect a dream. I’ve yet to dream about H.
I’m going to a meeting in Dallas next week and hoping Consultant Guy will be there too. Doubt it though.