First off, happy new year, everyone! MB and I spent the evening at P*ong, which was what we did last year. Like last year, we sat at the bar and Pichet Ong was there, acting as host, server, and coat getter. He seems really nice and the food was incredible. Our favorites were the kobacho squash coconut soup, the citrus cured char, the braised wagyu beef short rib, and the warm date pudding. Also the bread and parmesan/olive oil spread were something I could definitely live on.
Now 2008. A lot happened. The last time I had this much change was back in 2005: separation, divorce, moving into the city and living on my own again for the first time, well, ever (living in a dorm and/or with roommates doesn’t count). Then it was two years of quiet – I got used to my new life, I thought about stuff, made some decisions, made some mistakes.
Then towards the latter half last year, a few things happened. I decided that I wanted a real relationship, not just a fling; I decided to go for library school and therefore a career change; and I met MB. Effort and luck.
This year: I started library school (which I can’t believe has only been a year), I moved in with MB, and I got a new job. But not only that, I thought long and hard about my jealousy and insecurity, the fact that I’m not used to being in a relationship based on unconditional love, that I’ve had to or thought I had to act a certain way to earn love, and that I automatically compare myself to others.
This year I learned to believe in unconditional love, in speaking up immediately instead of letting something fester, and to try and stop comparing myself to others. It’s not a quick fix. I have to keep remindng myself of these things, and practice them like any new exercise.
I don’t really have any resolutions for 2009. I kind of hate the idea – all that pressure and then a sense of failure if you don’t keep them up. I know what I’d like to do: lose five pounds, start running outside again, finish my memoir once and for all. Totally doable but I refuse to call them new year resoluations – they are simply things I want to get done, regardless of timeframe.
Also I want to worry less and do more. I want to accept my wrinkles. People claim they don’t see anything, but the fine lines on my foreheads and cheeks are like Grand Canyon fissures to me. I’ll do what I can to be healthy, and will try to stop fretting over the inevitable.
And I vow to eat more fiber. I’m sure you all wanted to know that one.
Happy New Year!