Last night MB and I saw Transformers 3. I knew I was in for something really stupid, but the movie exceeded my stupid-expectations.
A couple of plot holes would have been acceptable, but there were so fucking many. SPOILER ALERT.
- Why did the Autobots agree to be blasted off into space?
- Why were humans trying to destroy that column thingie? Why didn’t an Autobot just destroy it?
- Why were humans involved at all?
- Why was it in 3D? So I could see Frances McDormand’s shoulder pad up and close and personal?
- Why did bringing another planet into the earth’s atmosphere not cause cataclysmic seismic changes to the earth’s crust?
- How did Shia Labeouf’s character end up with that girl?
- Are we really supposed to believe she’s smart now because she’s wearing glasses?
- Wait, I thought she supported him being a “hero,” but now suddenly she doesn’t because suddenly she has a brother who died in some war?
- The scene with their parents in the trailer, lecturing Shia Laboef about love – seriously: WHY?
- Wait, how did the girl get to Megatron? Where was Megatron? Where was she? Where is anybody?
- Why does this movie exist?
- Why did I go see it?
Okay, okay, there were some enjoyable aspects, like Ken Jeong, and John Malkovich, and Leonard Nimony, and Frances McDormand could read the phone book and I’d still love her, and some of the robot fighting scenes, although most of the time I couldn’t tell the difference between the Autobots and the Decepticons and wished for more of the slo-mo action scenes so that I could tell what was happening.
What I do for love.