Time rift

Some of you may have noticed – I know Zerodoll has! – that I had a post on Friday that I’ve since deleted, mostly because I felt like I was getting ahead of myself.

I don’t want to get into too many personal details, so here’s the skinny:

  • Two weeks of dating can be wonderful and intense.
  • One year is not a very long time to get over your ex-girlfriend, ie, the Love of Your Life Who You Were Ready to Marry, leaving you.
  • Three years is plenty of time to get over having been cheated on.
  • Two years is plenty of time to get past a separation/divorce.
  • Three years after the shit has hit the fan, one is ready for a real relationship, not just “enjoying the moment.”

Dating bites the big one.


  1. I’m sorry to hear the news. I was rooting for you and H. I hope you two can work things out and get past the timing issues. But if not, there are plenty of guys out there who aren’t obsessed with their exes (though most of them don’t speak Zulu).

    Good luck!

  2. Aw, sorry to hear things have changed direction so soon. Still, better to deal with it now than be caught off guard later. I wish there’s something more I could offer to help – just know I’m rooting for whatever is best for you.

  3. I am useless at offering advice on things like this, as evidenced by the four comments I started to write and deleted. Who knows what the dude is really thinking? I do know that you are a great person and I think you will get what you want. I’d bet on it.

  4. oh no! i had read your post and was going to agree with you on things, but wow… hmmm. i’d say talk to him, but if you sense he’s not over her, he may not be. or it may be that he doesn’t know how to talk about it in a way that makes it sound like he is over her.

  5. Yeah, I’m sorry about this, too.

    Not much I can add besides: I agree with you about dating. Getting back out there is so hard…I just wish everybody had arranged marriages or something, sometimes.

  6. It’s so hard to find someone. =( I think zerodoll is suggesting that you talking directly about your suspicions, and I agree, at the risk of talking everything out. Maybe he can come to some kind of resolution – if he knows that you are thinking of breaking it off. (Okay, that sounds like an ultimatum and I know you’re not about that.) It’s a sad thought to think of letting him go after great times. =(

  7. D- I am so sorry to hear that your current relationship isn’t working out the way you wanted.

    I think you need to subscribe to the Gregg school of dating. Date lots of people and get involved very slowly.


  8. boo, i’m sorry :(
    sadly, i think a lot of relationships are about the timing, and sometimes it’s just off. but that’s not to say it won’t be on sometime down the road (perhaps after he loses you and realizes that you are harder to get over).

  9. sorry to read about that. I certainly hope that you are wrong and we are reading happy date posts for months and months.

  10. Sorry about this Anna. It always sucks when relationships don’t work out as we hope.

    I think it’s great that you recognized early on that this coupling might not be the best for you. Just keep moving forward and continue to focus on what makes you happy (writing, running, family/friends, music and our shared love of good food).

    My two cents: I agree with two of your posters, Gregg–if you continue dating right away have fun with it, don’t take it too seriously and take it slow; and Zydeco Fish–because I know you’re a wonderful person, you will get what you want and deserve.

  11. As I always say, “you gotta kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince”, or princess in my case :-) trying not to take it all so seriously is really difficult. developing a willingness to get hurt a few times and planning for recovery is somewhat easier. I understand that chocolate helps ;-)