Last Contact

So I have this friend, or former friend I should say. Let’s call her SL.

SL and I met in college, my senior year, her sophomore year. We were in the same Chinese class and hit it off immediately. We had similar senses of humor and just got along really well. Plus I liked that she was completely guileless.

After college we continued to be friends. While she was still in school, I’d come visit her, and after she graduated, she’d visit me in Boston quite often. She met my other friends and got along well with them.

We’ve traveled together to Amsterdam, Brussels, and Paris; she was one of my bridesmaids; and she was there for me when all the adultery shit went down with my ex. But then back in the fall of 2005, a few months after I moved into the city, she just stopped talking to me.

I guess she was already becoming distant by then. We both had places in the city, we were both single, but she never wanted to hang out on the weekends. She’d prefer to go to her parents’ in Brooklyn. More than once we had plans and she ditched me, preferring to hang out with her folks.

She was in an improv group, and that October I was supposed to go to one of her shows. At the last minute, I couldn’t and left her a message apologizing, and followed up with another message to see how it went.

I never heard from her.

I let a couple of weeks go by, then sent her another message with my new cell phone number.

No response.

Was she that annoyed with me for not going to her show? Some people might be, but she wasn’t that kind of person. I think I emailed her a couple more times after that, but never got any answer.

It was very weird.

What’s even weirder is that in 2007, her sister called me on my new cell phone number. I knew her sister because she temped at my company and had called me before. I was in the car with my parents, and she said, “Is this a good time to talk?” I hesitated, and she said, “I’ll call you back later.”

I was scared to death that something happened with SL. But all it turned out to be was that her sister needed some favor. I asked her how SL was, and she said, “She’s fine,” sort of dismissively. I said, “You know I haven’t heard from her in forever.”

“Really?” she said, sounding surprised.

Weird weird weird.

I still think about SL regularly, partly because I’m baffled about how things turned out and also because I miss her friendship. So yesterday on a whim I sent her an email as a sort of last ditch effort to get back in touch with her. I told her how surprised and saddened I was with the way our friendship ended, and that maybe I had done something alienate her. I gave her a very quick update about recent events in my life, and wished her well.

Knowing SL, I will probably never hear from her, but at least I wanted to try.


  1. Thank you for sharing your story. I’ve had stuff like that happen mostly with guys (where we liked each other but it cooled down) and a couple of girls, too. And it hurts, too, like losing a boy. And it’s frustrating in this “proper” world where you can ask just anyone for the complete truth on the matter.

  2. These things just sort of happen. I think you have and are giving it a fair shot. After three different trys, it’s their loss if they won’t reach out to you.

  3. I read your post and thought that maybe SL is depressed or something similar. That would explain her wanting to hang out with her parents instead of reaching out to friends and also why she turned you missing the show into a huge slight, if she was indeed pissed off at you for not going to the improv.

    Either way, I agree with pandax. You’ve done your job, so the ball is in her court to at least let you know why she’s treating you this way.

  4. wyn: it does hurt, doesn’t it? that rejection, whether it’s from some guy or a friend.

    pandax: i think you’re right – after this last attempt, it’s definitely safe to call it a wash.

    shuflies: i thought the same thing re: SL being depressed. she had dated a guy that year who hurt her, and afterwards was even more distant and irritable. i was hoping she was “better” now, but like you and pandax said, i’ve done all i can.