Which was fine by me.
Saturday morning I headed out to my favorite Starbuck’s and wrote for a bit before SB called. It was such a beautiful day, we took a walk, Ellie in tow of course, stopping at Sephora’s to ogle beauty products we didn’t need.
Afterwards we had lunch at her place – well, SB and I did. Ellie licked cream cheese off pita bread (gross) and then resisted her nap, getting crabbier by the minute. When she finally ate, the faces she made while immensely enjoying some delicious banana were hilarious. Are all kids this expressive?
That afternoon I spent a lot of time in the Park – wrote on a bench and ran the Loop. 6.1 miles! Woohoo! While I was running, my left hamstring and knee were achy, but today my leg feels okay. Maybe the pilates is working.
There are some excellent hills on the Loop. It’s interesting to see the entire jogging/biking/rollerblading population start to move in slow motion when we hit a steep one. Suddenly we runners are pulling ahead of rollerbladers, and some cyclists start walking their bikes. Then of course when we reach the downhill portion, everyone’s zipping past us.
I love the Loop because it takes me to parts of the Central Park I don’t otherwise see, like who knew there was a giant public pool? Probably lots of folks, just not me.
I was thinking yesterday how it’s taken me two years to really begin exploring the city. My first summer I was caught up with getting used to this new life, post-divorce, living on my own again. I spent most weekends wandering up and down 3rd or Park Avenue, visiting the same museums over and over.
Last summer I was caught up with dating DK, but I did start to get to know the Park a little then. Sometimes we’d meet at the Bandshell, and since he lived almost directly west from me, I learned to maneuver across the Park, rather than taking the very slow bus.
This summer I’ve finally gone out of my way to delve into this huge playground just a few blocks from my place, whether it’s reading by the Alice in Wonderland sculpture, climbing up Belvedere Castle, or trying to find peace in Shakespeare’s Garden.
On July 4th, I went running in the rain, and on my way home, I passed the little pond where people sail miniature boats. Usually that area is packed, but that day of course it was empty, and I was amazed at how peaceful it was with the rain falling on the water.
Yesterday I did some more exploring, this time walking to the East River. It’s pretty nice from the low 60s to about 75th Street, but after that you’re pretty much on the FDR, which between the fumes and kicked up grime, is not so fun.
I also woke up with a sore throat yesterday and was feeling kind of run down. So I didn’t mind staying in for most of the day and working my writing. I ended up revising three pieces, two of which are close to being finished, one of which kind of stinks.
This morning I was hoping to get up early and go to the gym, but last night some idiot stood below my window and screamed into his cell phone for a solid hour. I didn’t get to sleep till after midnight.
My throat hurts today too, and I still have that fatigued feeling. Lots of liquids and vitamin C, and a light workout at lunch. Hopefully, it’ll go away in a day or so, and not grow into a full-blown cold.
writing
16
Jul 07
Quiet week into a quiet weekend
14
Jul 07
TCOB Friday
Well, except for a post.
Friday morning I did a lot of work for a change. Just hunkered down and did it. I complain about my job, but it’s not the work I dislike. If I’m just left alone to do what I need to do, it’s fine.
It helps one of my new co-workers seems pretty cool. We’re working on this project together, and agree our boss has been very unclear about his vision. Since she’s new, she was able to go to him and say, “I don’t get it” (though not in so many words), and so at the meeting he was able to clear things up. I’m still not sure if the project has any value, but at least we’re all clearer on the direction.
Had a meeting at noon (no lunch! had to concentrate on keeping from stomach from growling) and that consultant I have an on-and-off crush on joined via phone. I was hoping he’d show – I even wore a cute outfit (yes: I’m a loser) – but I think his office is in New Jersey. I got all giddy when he addressed me by name directly. So high school.
I accomplished even more work after the meeting, and was still out by 3.
Oh yeah, I also finally made dentist and eye doctor appointments. Well, the eye doc appointment is on time. The dentist is overdue from April. Also made my travel arrangements for a meeting in Chicago at the end of the month. For some reason, I’m really looking forward to it. Probably because I won’t be presenting, just participating in different trainings. Plus it’ll be my first time to the windy city, outside of stopovers in O’Hare.
Today’s reserved for writing and running. I’m looking forward to my jog in Central Park, and the weather seems perfect for it right now. Tomorrow there will be thunderstorms and I would prefer not to be hit by lightning. Ouch.
02
Jul 07
A nice weekend in the city
On Friday, I was able to take advantage of summer half-day Fridays and leave at 2 to hit the Container Store for some sort of storage facility for my collection of shopping bags that I simply cannot part with.
Before, they were stashed in other bags under my table in the kitchen. Then earlier this week, a cockroach the size of Danny DeVito zoomed out of my bathroom, into the kitchen, and behind those bags!
The roach was so big it made rustling sounds as it passed behind the bags, and moved so slowly – relative to that type of vermin – that I was able to contemplate for a moment whether or not to take a picture of it before finally killing it with an old Time Out New York magazine (the cheap issue!). That’s a long of saying I felt I needed to remedy the shopping bag situation.
After much musing at the store, I finally settled on two folding mesh cubes, one large for big bags and one small for little ones. At first I wasn’t 100% sure about them, thinking I needed something with a cover, but after going through the bags and not finding a squirming, hairless nest of baby mice like I’d been imagining, I felt better about my purchases. It also helped to throw about 2/3 of the bags away.
What’s cool about the cubes is that I can fit one inside the other, and also when I’m not using them, they can be folded and stored away without taking up much space.
While I was organizing my kitchen, I thought I’d clean it too. Also did a load of laundry and read quite a bit of The Kite Runner, which by the way is AMAZING. I cry about every five pages.
Saturday my plan was to write a lot, but I didn’t get as much done as I wanted. I wrote a scene for my memoir and had also wanted to start revising a couple of pieces, but I didn’t get that far. Instead I cleaned my bathroom, then walked down to Home Depot for a shower curtain liner.
I also stopped in Sam Flax for some fabric paint and brushes to finish the T-shirts I started in DC last weekend. I found the fabric paint but not the brushes, so I inquired.
“Oh, those are new,” the salesgirl said dismissively. “You’ll only find those in a big store.”
The Sam Flax I went to was pretty darned big by Manhattan standards. “So a regular brush would be okay?” I said.
“It worked for Rembrandt,” she responded.
I wasn’t sure if she was being snide but my gut reaction was feeling wounded. I put back all the fabric paint and decided not to buy the laptop sleeve I was thinking about.
As I walked back uptown, I started to get more and more pissed off. Later that night I dashed off a complaint, saying that I’d probably never shop there again. To their credit, they wrote back pretty quickly, apologizing, wanting details (who, when, where), and giving me a $10 gift card. Sweet! Though I’d have to pick it up at that store. Eep.
Sometimes I don’t know if I’m being sensitive or if someone is really rude. Usually I think the latter, but there are times I doubt myself. I think customer service in NY is pretty sucky overall. When I go out to L.A., I’m amazed at how nice everyone is.
Anyway, I wanted to clear my yucky feeling so I walked up to the Met and took a quick look around. Being in a museum always restores a feeling of peace for me.
By the time I got home it was already 5. I was seeing a movie with YP later so I only had time to clean the bedroom before getting ready. (Cleaning takes such a long frigging time.) We saw Nancy Drew, which was cute and fun. It’s nice to see a girl as an action hero – and an action hero in penny loafers! Her outfits were so adorable. I want every single one.
Sunday I finally was able to get a lot of writing done. I find I get more work done if I’m sitting in a cafe rather than my place with all of its distractions. In the late afternoon I went for a run in the Park. Five miles around the Loop, yay!
This run was much better than my first one, when I pooped out after just a three miles, having not hydrated properly and starting out too fast. This time I made sure to drink a ton of water beforehand, and to begin very slowly. It helped that there was this guy in an ING Marathon shirt in front of me. He was going much faster than I was, but I was able to keep him in my sights. Little did he know he was my rabbit.
The weather couldn’t have been better. Cool and dry. Running in the Park is so much fun. I’m totally doing it again over the days we have off this week.
At home I finished cleaning my place – finally! Now let’s see how little work I can do this week. ;)
28
Jun 07
Learn how to use email before talking about someone behind their back
I know I’ve been tagged by Running42K – yay! blogger fodder! – but I had to share this first.
I might have mentioned there’s a woman, B., from my writing class who wanted to start a writing group after class ended. She asked me and another individual to join. I was all for it – till the other individual decided not to do it. Then I did too since it wasn’t so much a group anymore, and, to be honest, the other individual is a really good writer and B., well, isn’t. Still, I said maybe I’d join again if we could find some more people.
So now there are two of them, both from class. B. invited me to join their next meeting. I said yes, then about a week before decided I didn’t have enough time. I was going on vacation and then away again the following week. Lame of me? Probably.
Why have I been so reluctant?
1) I don’t think B. or the other woman, L., are that great writers. Sometimes they gave okay feedback, but those were one or two nuggets in an hour-long workshop session involving several other people, including the teacher, a pro.
2) They insist on meeting in Brooklyn. Not Williamsburg, which is two stops from Union Square, but another area, which would take me an hour to get to. An HOUR. And two subways.
Recently they asked me a third time to join. This time I decided to be honest. I said I’d like to, but could we meet in Manhattan instead. It would be very difficult for me to get to that part of Brooklyn by 6 PM on a work day, and then would take me even longer to get back home (next day was a work day too). I also offered to provide comments via email if Manhattan was a no go.
Shortly after my message, I got the following from L:
B. —
Here’s Anna May’s reply. As usual, the distance from Manhattan to Brooklyn is far longer than the distance from Brooklyn to Manhattan. Or: two Brooklynites are worth one Manhattanite? I’m so tired of it!
What she asks isn’t, in my opinion, reasonable. We could offer to change the time, and to drive her to where she can pick up the 4,5 afterwards. Depending on where she works, it might not be hard to get to where you think we could eat.
But I fear she will, in the grand tradition, decline. Oh well.
Let me know what you think.
L.
Obviously she sent the message to me by mistake. Hello, basic email skills? And double hello, you asked me to join your group. YOU asked ME. I didn’t say, “Hey, I want to have a writing group, schlep to the Upper East Side from Brooklyn!” I didn’t say, “Please, please, please, can I join your writing group?” No, I passive aggressively declined twice.
Sure, I should be more honest and up front. But they could also buy a clue. PLUS, I offered up my feedback via email. That entails reading 20 some odd pages – sometimes twice – and providing extensive comments and, in my case, edits because I can’t help it. That’s a lot in my book.
Like I’m really going to want to join their group now.
I didn’t respond right away, and didn’t even know if I should. I asked YP for advice and he kindly crafted the following:
L. —
I’m terribly sorry if my request offended you. I certainly didn’t mean to imply that those who live in Manhattan are in any way better than those who live in Brooklyn. Your email has made me realize that my request was, in fact, unreasonable, as was my hope to be able to fit this into my schedule.
Best of luck to the both of you and, again, thank you for thinking of me.
Anna May
Awesome.
She wrote back apologizing profusely and saying it wasn’t personal but a general gripe about Manhattanites not wanting to come to Brooklyn, and then asked me AGAIN to join, and also that they were thinking of forming a bigger group in the fall.
I haven’t written back yet. I guess I could respond, No hard feeling but no thanks, citing scheduling issues and also the fact that I’ll most likely be taking a class in the fall. Haven’t decided yet.
I find it all more hilarious than upsetting.
As for the freelance journalist, we successfully set up a meeting time for Monday. In that case, I don’t mind heading down to her ‘hood since I’m aware that she’s doing me a favor. Some other people should take a lesson from that.
27
Jun 07
Isn’t it ironic
As I write like crazy for submission to online and other publications, I can’t think of anything to write for this blog, except to complain that:
It’s noisy as my office windows are being worked on. Okay, at least I have an office. And a window.
It’s too hot.
The journalist daughter of my parents’ friends is beginning to annoy me. I wrote to her last week, and she suggested meeting up Thursday or Friday this week. I said, okay Thursday night, and wrote today to confirm. She wrote back, “Sorry Anna May, things have been crazed. Tomorrow night? Did we set something up? It’s doable, although I have a dinner from 6:30-9:30. What did you have in mind?”
Um, what I had in mind was our whole email conversation.
I hate it when people use their “crazy lives” as an excuse for disorganization and forgetfulness. Still, I know she’s doing me a favor so I nicely suggested tomorrow afternoon instead, if that would be easier for her. Sorry to be a nerd, but I don’t feel like schlepping out at 9:30 when I have to get up early for work tomorrow.
If the chat doesn’t work out with her, I’m not going to sweat it. There are other writers I can talk to.
But I’m not all about the complaints (really, I’m not!). This week I’m happy that:
Work has been pretty quiet (knock wood). My boss is caught up in this other project and has pretty much been leaving me alone. Except tomorrow morning we have a catch-up meeting, which usually opens the floodgates for lots of unnecessary work.
I’m home this weekend. I love traveling and visiting friends and family, but I also love having the balance of time at home. Plus my apartment needs a good scrubbing.
ES invited me up to Boston next weekend. More traveling, woohoo!
My 1 PM meeting just got canceled. Double woohoo!
Now if I’d just win the lottery. Though I guess I should start to play first. Details, details.
22
Jun 07
Off to D.C.
Yep, traveling again, crazy girl I am. This time it’s to our nation’s capital to see my pal SG. Luckily the weather is pretty bearable so far. In fact today it’s rather cool.
I’m looking forward to the three-hour train ride. Unlike flying, I can ride the train forever. All that leg room, plus being able to walk around, plus not having to go through all that security, plus none of that awful high-altitude dry air.
I Googled my parents’ friend’s daughter. She’s quite an accomplished food/travel writer. She even has a book. And yet her parents are unhappy. Go figure.
Next weekend I was supposed to go to my parents’ but my mom has extended her stay in Cali. My grandmother had a fall a week or so ago, and she hurt something, though what we don’t know yet. What we do know is that she’s in a lot of pain. My mother said she couldn’t lie down all night and just sat in a chair, and that she has trouble moving at all.
At the hospital, they tested for blood clots. None to be had. Maybe she slipped a disc or hurt her pelvis.
I feel bad she’s in so much pain, which she has been for many years due to a calcification of her knee, but I feel worse imagining everyone’s grief – my mom’s especially – if my grandmother, well you know (since I’m a wee bit superstitious, I’ll refrain from spelling it out), though she is over 90.
My grandmother has changed so much over the years; we’re guessing she’s had a series of mini-strokes. She used to be loud, stubborn, and vivacious. When she laughed, she laughed hard. She never held back criticism, which could be sort of annoying.
Now she talks and moves in slow motion, as though underwater. I’m almost surprised that she still recognizes everybody, but she does. She’s still cognizant – it’s her body that’s failing her.
What makes me want to cry is remembering in Vegas, while we were taking group photos, I knelt down by her wheelchair and she looked at me with such delight, this huge slow smile on her face, as though she were saying, “There’s my first granddaughter!”
I hope she’ll be okay.
21
Jun 07
Nothing much to report
Except that I’m oh so very tired.
Monday night I took the red eye back to New York. Unlike the first leg of my trip, this one left early and got in early. Unfortunately, the bags took for-EV-er to arrive. I was at baggage claim at 6:15 AM, but didn’t get to leave till 7.
At home I crashed till about 12:30. That, in combination with my having become accustomed to Pacific time, meant I didn’t go to sleep that night till after 1. Then up at 7.
Not bad, but while last night I drifted off at 10:30, I woke up at 4, started thinking about work, then couldn’t sleep anymore. At least I got a lot of personal stuff done at home before I left – polishing my resume, working on a short story – as well as actual work stuff this morning.
I’ve been craving salty foods and have been totally going overboard. Between all the miso soup, crunchy Asian snacks, and sausage this morning, my mouth is a pickle.
I applied for a few positions here at my company. Wait and see. Also yesterday an agency person approached me about applying for a job. That’s appealing because we’ve done so much work with that agency, and I really like the person who approached me. But it’s in New Jersey so the commute might be a pain. Then again, a lot of their clients are in New York.
I’m back and forth about what I want to do. While I do think another corporate job wouldn’t be that different from my current one, at least the people would be different. That’s the real kicker.
For the long-term I’m exploring a variety of options. The freelance writing/travel thing, the library science thing (why, I’m not even sure). In August a school here is having an open house about their program so I can see if it’s even something I want to do.
Next week I’m meeting up with the daughter of my parents’ friends. I believe she’s a freelance journalist. She *was* an attorney, but then she got divorced, said screw it all, and pursued her real dream.
Her parents aren’t happy but who cares. It’s not like they’re supporting her financially. They’re just worried since freelancing is less “stable” than a corporate job. But what’s the worst that could happen? It’s not like she has kids to feed. And she could probably find another corporate job if need be.
I’m really looking forward to speaking with her. Makes me feel like I’m actually doing something about my writing, beyond just, well, writing.
I’ve been so occupied these past couple of weeks, I’ve hardly thought about H. He’s reactivated his online ad. I went in to find email messages from DK (fodder for an essay) and noticed. I was surprised that it didn’t bother me. I mean, why should it? I went on a dating site too (for a split second anyway).
Poor guy. He won’t find anyone else as cool as me. ;)
11
Jun 07
A Pinkberry kind of weekend
Friday night was PL’s lit mag’s monthly reading, for which I was about 15 minutes late. I had gotten home from work around 4 and then had a really hard time getting myself together. I called PL around 6 to let her know I’d probably be late.
“I’m about 1/3 of the way there,” I assured her.
“So you have pants on at least,” she said.
Hm, maybe a 1/5 of the way there.
At the bar I got a drink for a change – a gin and tonic – and drank half really quickly so that I was totall bumping into furniture when we left (so I’m a lightweight). Then we had dinner at our usual place, Paladar. We were seated in the front for the first time and it was LOUD. We couldn’t hear each other without screaming ourselves hoarse, but the tables on either side of us were for some reason ear-bleedingly noisy.
For dessert we went to Pinkberry, which is apparently all the rage. It’s nonfat frozen yogurt, original or green tea, with an assortment of toppings. It’s more sorbet than fro-yo, and has a tangy flavor. I like it.
And so does everyone else cuz there was a line out the door Friday night, like we were waiting to get into some chichi club.
Saturday I wrote and then hit MoMA. I was there over Memorial Day weekend but somehow missed the Richard Serra exhibit. We weren’t allowed to take pictures but I managed to sneak one in.
I know it’s blurry but I still like it, especially how the girl’s red hair matches the sculpture. Totally by mistake.
Sunday I had to leave at noon to meet up with PL again for a literary journal festival at Housing Works. My morning was very productive, writing and going for a run. PL and I talked about how if we have the whole day, we both just piss the time away and get maybe an hour’s worth of writing done. But if we have a limited time, we’re very productive.
07
Jun 07
Waiting for my real life to begin
So the job has been on my mind a lot lately. I think I’ve written before that I recently got a new boss, who, while a nice person, can be demanding to the point of ridiculousness, ie, asking for absolutely everything as soon as possible.
Keep in mind this is his own internal deadline. There’s no one externally saying, “I need this.”
This is the same complaint that everyone who has worked with him has had.
I’ve been contemplating a job change anyway and thought this my oppourtunity to move to our operations department. Unfortunately, openings, if any, won’t be available till the end of the summer. I can stick it out till then, but I’m getting the feeling, from talking to people and general morale, that there won’t necessarily be that many job postings.
So I’ve been looking outside my company as well, and haven’t had much luck. I just don’t have the experience that would fit in something like media, publishing, or event planning, or else the job I’m qualified for pays a whole lot less than my current one.
My boss and I were talking about my “career” earlier this week, and I expressed my uncertainty about what to do. While he assured me that I’d be good at anything I pursued, he also suggested that I should figure out what I want to do as soon as possible because “then one year will pass, three years will pass, and before you know it, five years have passed and you’re still not doing what you want to do.” He even suggested taking a short leave of absence to do something like an internship at an agency.
Then yesterday it occured to me: ALL THOSE JOBS ARE THE SAME TO ME.
Whether I stay here in marketing, or move to operations, or move to the agency side, they are all the same damned thing. None of them are really what I want to do.
Why do it? It’s not that hard (it’s the personalities that are difficult), it earns me a pretty penny, and let’s face it, it’s comfortable. It’s familiar and easy. I still have time to write. I can fund going to writing events and classes.
But is the writing enough?
Sometimes I ask myself, if money were not an issue, what would I do? The answer is easy: travel the world and write about what I see.
Hmmm. . .
I’m 35. Time is ticking. I’m still not living the life I want to be living. Or I’m living it partway, maybe 1/3 of the way. The rest of the time I’m being lazy and complacent. Or fearful.
There’s something said about comfort. Last night I was walking home and thought, How nice this is. The cool weather, living in the city in my nice area going to my nice apartment. If I live in someplace like China, it will be dirty and not so comfortable and everyone will be staring at me.
But is that a reason not to go?
I look back on the six months I lived there, gosh, almost 10 years ago, and I relish those memories. Of course I don’t think it will be exactly like that. I think it will be better.
And the thing is there’s no rush. I can give myself a year+ timetable.
September 1, 2008.
I also have the right to change my mind. :)
04
Jun 07
Book Expo, Day 3
On Sunday there were just two events I attended, the Book and Author Breakfast and The Crisis in American Book Pages.
Rosie O’Donnell, Alice Sebold, Ben Karlin, and Ian McEwan were the authors at the insanely early breakfast at 8 am. When my alarm went off at 6, I almost didn’t get up, but I did finally, at around 6:15. Then I thought I was going to be late, but I was surprisingly on time.
Rosie O’Donnell has a new nonfiction book, Celebrity Detox, and was very funny, as expected. She had to go right after her talk as her kids had a soccer game. I was kind of ready to hate her, but I didn’t. She was self-disparaging and acknowledged the “real” writers at the table.
I’ve never read Alice Sebold. I have The Lovely Bones sitting on my shelf, and as well now I have a bound galley of her new book, The Almost Moon, which isn’t even out yet.
Ben Karlin, a former producer for the Daily Show and Colbert Report, apparently replaced some other guy, a well-known Brazilian author. He was pretty hilarious. His new book is an anthology, Things I’ve Learned from Women Who’ve Dumped Me. Good premise.
Finally, Ian McEwan spoke, and unfortunately a lot of what he said was just a repeat from his movie from the day before. Of course everyone has sort of canned speech about their new books, but it was even more obvious because of the film. I did get a copy of his new book, On Chesil Beach. Score!
The next session, The Crisis in American Book Pages, was about the state of the book review and print media in general. The debate was interesting but I feel sort of not knowledgeable enough on this subject matter right now to go too deeply into it.
Bascially, some newspapers have been forced by their corporate owners to cut their book, art, and film departments, due to the perceived threat that the new venue for all of that is the internet, namely blogs. Everyone basically agreed that the threat is only perceived, that blogs hardly replace quality print journalism but rather supplement it.
There were several readings after this, but I felt sort of pooped out and anxious to work on my own writing. I parked it in the food court for about an hour before the fried food smell overwhelmed me. Plus the meeting rooms were for some reason ARCTIC yesterday, which caused my unpredictable hives to break out.
It wasn’t even that hot out. In fact it was quite lovely if a bit cloudy and, dare I say it, chilly! I wrote for a couple of hours in Bryant Park. During the work week, it’s a mad house, every table taken, but I guess on a Sunday, and a gray one to boot, it’s not exactly the place to go. I mean, there were plenty of people, but also plenty of empty tables.
My brain has been stirring with ideas for short pieces.